Forever 21

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Adulting Sucks :/

Being 21, according to most, is the best year in a person’s life—liberated by adulthood and yet being unapologetic about the few carefree childish traits that college hasn’t washed out of you. I have been 21 for exactly 7 months and 14 days and I still haven’t formed my opinion on what I feel about it.

I remember being 13 and thinking how by the time I turn 21, I would be working and living life on my own terms. Boy, was I wrong!  Being 21 means being an in-betweener—stuck in a limbo of proving to your parents and the world that you are completely capable of making your own decisions and almost always failing to live up to that dream. It is not like you want to accept that you are old either. So while you are trying so hard to be a real person surviving on the money that you have shed blood and sweat for, you are always secretly wishing you were home to eat your mom’s food, not only because it is yummy, but also because you could save 100 bucks for the next day.

You are stuck in that place where college memories are still fresh and so you jump on every opportunity to recreate the memories, even if means going two hours out of your way just to drink in the same bar that you did everyday during  after college hours. On the other hand, your first job seems to be sucking the life out of you and all you can do is wonder if you really chose the right path. If only life would fast forward and take you to the point in your life when you are sure about everything. In this midst of this hurry to grow the hell up and this desperate attempt to hold on to you simpler, happier college life, what you don’t realise is, you haven’t grown up at all. You are still obsessing over that guy who you would never actually date, you are still spending way more than you can afford (except this time the guilt is real, because you can’t go asking for money from home— that could be accepting failure), you are still partying more than your liver can handle and surviving on far too fewer hours of sleep. The only difference? You are no longer in your happy comfort zone.

The high school bullshit of gossiping, drama, insecurities and jealousy that you thought college would take out of your life is still there. The ridiculously childish and immature high school boys just graduated out of college with you and are still playing the same cat-and-mouse game with the same guy you should have forgotten the minute you stepped out of your college gates. The blind faith that you had in humanity when you stepped into college has visibly diminished and some days you just stay up wondering where did that optimistic, happy-go-lucky girl disappear. And while dealing with all this chaos, you have been thrust with the responsibility of being a decent adult. What does that mean anyway?

When April rolls in you realise that acing that trigonometry test in Xth grade and learning what mitochondria was nothing but a waste of time because you can’t figure how the hell you are supposed to file taxes. You are at a juncture where you are expected to “figure it out”, but how do you go from being told what to do every step of the way to just knowing how to make it out on your own? At least, when you are on the verge of a breakdown you still have those few college friends  family members who decided to stay in the city. You can relax knowing that just half hour away you have family whom you can visit in your PJs. Carry a bottle of Old Monk or some cheap stash you scored few days before and you can reminisce about the old days and cry about this new life. Hold on to it, because before you know it those days will come to an end. A better job or a letter accepting you to the university that you had been dreaming for you masters will come in telling you that it is time to pack up and move away from the last remaining source of comfort in your life. But don’t feel too bad, at least you got a while—many others set about on a new life right after college.

Being 21 isn’t easy or as glamorous as I thought it would be, but I am loving most of it anyway. While packet noodles, scrambled eggs and starvation on days I can’t even afford that much has become a part of my everyday life, I am happy with how life has been so far. While the past 14 days has been somewhat of a glitch in my plan, I know I am going to be okay. And that is the best thing about being 21. You are so used to crap being thrown your way and spending time trying to figure out your own twisted way out of it, you know that you will bounce back. You aren’t old and beaten down, you aren’t young and impressionable, you are just out there, trying to figure it out. Besides, I know 22 is going to be worse.

Well, this is me. Quirky as ever.

Ta-ta

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The Cliff Notes To My Life

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Bombay, you will be missed :*

I am not delusional enough to think that you have been dying to know what I had been up to in the span of one year that I had gone AWOL. While I say that is my attempt to give you some clarity, in reality, it is just a way for me to immortalise some of the best days of my life.

So, I have left Bombay for good (Déjà vu, right?). Well, this time it is for real. I don’t plan to go back to that city for the next three years. I devised a plan right down to the T and then I threw it into the garbage. All my plans have a way of crashing and burning and leaving me heart-broken. For the longest while, my mending program involved making new plans, which would undoubtedly crumble into ashes as always. That is exactly why I have taken up a new attitude—one that is popular among teenager across continents— and it is called ‘I DON’T CARE’. I left a perfectly decent job for a dream that is going to remain one. Sure, I cribbed about a lot of things—the unreasonable work timings, the terrible work ethics and most importantly the ungratifying pay cheque— but, it did allow me to live away from my parents, whilst earning enough to somehow struggle my way to the next month. I could have left the job after I found a better one, but instead I took a leap.

After worrying for about two months about my future as a cashier at Nature’s Basket, I got a reply to one of my numerous job applications. Following a few written assignments, I was called for an interview and once again, I was back in Bombay. Suddenly, out of no where I was given a choice—there were two companies interested in me. Next thing I know, I was standing outside Gokuls (one of the cheap bars that we frequented in the city) and I get the call I had been waiting for since the day I graduated. I had a job! Well, I had an internship to be accurate. But, I was ready to slow some socks off and there was no stopping me.

While it became evident that I was going to be spending a good amount of time in the near future in the city, I realised that I had a new problem to deal with. I was homeless and broke. Well, my family was broke, and I was only an intern. Stuck in a place where I couldn’t ask my parents for money or afford to pay the bills myself, I was lost. And in the midst of a conversation that involved an awful amount of ranting, Ron suggested that I stay at his place, with this three other roommates. Considering I didn’t have many options, I took up on his offer. That is how I came to live the last year in Bombay with boys. When I moved in, it was me and four boys and by the time I left it was three girls (including myself) and two boys. There was a point when I was living with six boys and I couldn’t help but feel like Jess from New Girl.

I didn’t pay rent for three months. They were wonderful like that. I did pull my weight in ways I could, but not having to pay my rent help me save a little. I later spent that money on an epic trip to the North-East. Living with boys was…interesting. Ron was interning with Rolling Stones as a photographer, Abhishek was interning with Hindustan Times and I was interning as a writer with Homegrown. While Aniket and Kelvin were enjoying the final year of their college life, we were trying to find our footing in the work world and we made those few months memorable for each other. I did’t have any friends at work, which meant that coming home to them was the best part of my day. It is the little things that made me love the arrangement—how Abhishek would wake up early and play music on the speakers, effectively waking us all up and then we would spend a half hour cribbing about having to go to work; how Ron would tell us off the interesting gigs that would happen later in the day and we would just meet each other there after a long tiring day and kick back with a few beers; or how if we had no plans we would meet up and go score and enjoy the mellowness brought to us by Murugan Chawl.

My trip to the North-East was somewhat of a farewell to my life with these two. The end of this trip marked the beginning of their trip to Himachal, which was followed by the start of a new life for the two. Ron moved to Pune and Abhi went home to his parents in UP. I had to once again re-create a life. This time round, I had friends at work and loved ones at home. I spent lesser and lesser time at home and far more time crashing at Stuti’s. From being my college roommate to being someone whose place I crashed every opportunity I got, we had come a long way. We had between us two epic cold wars and numerous heartbreak sessions over several pegs of whiskey and a lot of love for each other. It was around this time that Arunima (my other college roommate) was forced by the cruel forces of the world to deal with a situation I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Her mother had been battling with cancer and we didn’t know how to be there for her.  While the two us tried our best, we failed on several occasions. Arunima, on the other hand, taught us that people can handle far beyond expected, and with their heads held high. She, of course, had her moments, but she always pulled herself up and did all what a 21-year-old could do and more for her mom. Unfortunately, aunty left us on January 26.

It was a really emotionally charged year for everyone around me. On a graph, my emotinal turbulence would be depicted with a straight line with a few kinks, for everyone else around me it would look like a big angry scribble across a page. I was grateful that life was going quite smoothly for me and all I needed was a better pay cheque.

I would probably fail you if you wrote an essay based on these half-assed information I am providing here. It is absolutely impossible for me to sum up this one year of my life, but I can tell you that it was amazing. While I was mentally prepared to leave the city, it hurt my heart to actually leave. I packed up mementos that I had gathered in my four years in the city and bid farewell to some of my most favourite souls. When or where I will meet them again, I don’t know. But of course, I know that with them, it is never really goodbye. However, there is the knowledge that never again, will I wake up on that bed that is ready to break down any second in between Ron and Abhi after a night of heavy drinking on that balcony. Never again will I sit on that balcony of my 2bhk home and wonder about life. Never will I leave at 11 pm in my PJs so I can sleep in between Stuti and Arunima. But, that is okay, because it will always be alive in our memories.

I came to the city a confused, hyper, crazy 17-year-old and I left it a confused, crazy, hyper 21-year-old. A little wiser and happier. Bombay will always be home to me and that is why I will always love it. I will miss it for the memories that I had the chance to make with some of the most beautiful souls that there is. While I did crib quite a bit in the course of four years, there is not a thing I would change. College to first job, this city has seen my grow and become who I am now. But, they say, change is a good thing and I am very excited for whatever has to come my way. And on my toughest days, I will have these memories to keep me going.

Well, that is a lot of information for one day I believe. So, I shall update you on other mundane details of my life tomorrow.

Until then. This is me. Quirky as ever.

Ciao.

Resurrection.

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I was never really gone. But, now am back and here to stay 😀

I should really be ashamed of myself. The last time I wrote something on this blog was over a year ago (And I remember promising myself back then that I would be more regular with my updates). Well, the good thing is probably that I have a lot of things to write about. The bad? Well, as always I don’t know where to start from.

Let’s probably start at how I decided to bring this baby of mine back to life. I am once again in the same place that I was last year when I wrote that post— home (albeit, home is now in Hyderabad and not Kerala). I am once again at a juncture of new beginnings, uncertainty and well, self-doubt. I am once again stalking journalists and spam mailing people asking  begging them to give me a job. As a part of my futile efforts to entertain myself so I don’t take a leap from the balcony of my home, I have been binge watching shows. You should know that I gave up on watching GoT after the Red Wedding and I took one year (just as every other fan out there) to come to grips with that unfortunate incident. However, that meant that Season 6 was out and I was still licking my wounds, metaphorical of course, from that psychologically scarring episode. I decided to pull up my socks and while everyone waited for the second episode to be out so that they could finally know whether Jon Snow had a future, I set out to find what would happen to find out what happened in between. With a day to spare I was not only updated, but also debating with my ex-roomie about the future of the characters of the show.

I was once again at a loss— I needed entertainment. I finally settled on ‘Awkward’.A fitting choice, I must say. The series is about a girl with some serious self esteem issues. While I have quite a few bones to pick with her— such as her choice to cheat on a perfectly wonderful boyfriend because of some questionable sexual tension— her relentless blogging, left me guilty. I wish I had that kind of commitment. She wrote every single day and with good reason. It helped her clear her mind and put those thoughts she was far too afraid to voice, out there in the world. Honestly, that was the reason why ‘Be Quirky’ came to life. However, the need for some honest opinions from someone more close to home made me reveal the existence of this page to my sister. While I love my sister, there is a certain amount of discretion I have to desperately maintain—a fact that made me do something I never wanted to do: delete a post. While I most of the things mentioned in the post was to never reach the ears of any of my family members, deleting it made me feel rotten. I had destroyed the sanctity of my blog with a simple click. The irritation with myself, coupled with the fear to speak my mind without worrying what would reach my family kept me away from blogging. But those are days of the past—I have shed my fears and and I hear to finally pour my soul out and bore y’all to death.

I am going to be posting daily from now on. That is a promise I am making to myself  (who am I kidding. We all know I don’t have that kind of commitment). Maybe, that should be a resolution I take. So, by the time the Calender reads 13 May 2017, there is going to be at least 300 posts on this page. Well, hopefully I have managed to catch your attention with my second coming, which makes me think that it is time I wrap it up in here. Don’t worry. Next up is the cliffnotes to what I had been up to during my hiatus.

Until then,

This is me. Quirky as ever.

Toodles.

This cruel, cruel life can be kind too

“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.” —Emery Allen.

Life is cruel. It makes you deal with things you don’t want to. Life is being stuck in a pit with a bear, like Brienne of Tarth in Game of Thrones. Except, there is no Jamie to rescue you. Or wait, Jamie is luck or Fate or Destiny or whatever. OMG! So, I just started watching GoT last month. I know that considering the fact that Season 5 is on, that is actually quite pathetic and sad. I finished three seasons and should be on Season 4 soon. But I don’t get the whole Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones extravaganza out there. I mean, they are so completely different, you can’t even compare the two. But I must accept, I have a soft corner for BrBa. I can’t explain my love. Jesse Pinkman probably has a lot to do with it. I mean he is just so BEAUTIFUL. However, GoT is also quite ‘hatke’ and truthfully, I love the blood and the gore. I hate that everyone I come to love ultimately dies but I still love the bloodshed. I really worry about my mental health sometimes. *SIGH*

Wow. Okay, I have drifted so far away from my point, as usual. I don’t know how others do it. Keep their mind in one line of though. My mind is just too fleeting. It just jumps from one thought to another before even I can fully formulate it. It’s terrible. So let me back up and return to the point I started with. Yes. So we lead a cruel life. I can’t seem to remember why but. Yes. Okay. No. I remember. Because you are stuck making sense of it, and why some things happen when you don’t want to. You are always put in positions that you want to avoid and you are stuck with it. It’s like being a racist in a Black Community. You are stuck there and if you want to survive, you better not go around making black jokes and racist remarks. Okay, I don’t make any sense. I have to talk about something else entirely. I need to stop digressing so much.

Goodbyes. You hate them but can’t avoid them.  No amount of experience or practice makes it easy. It is always so painful and heart wrenching. It always comes with a promise also. “We will keep in touch”. “This won’t be the last time we see each other”. “I will see you around”.  Initially, surviving without them seems so impossible, the promise of keeping in touch is almost for your own sake. So the first few weeks, we will text every day and maybe even call each other. Months will pass by and maybe you text each other on weekends. But then, weekends will get busier than weekdays. Months will roll by and then years. Soon, the people who you knew like the back of your hand will become a distant memory, just faces on some old photographs, a “Friend” on Facebook. The inevitable is here. Soon, we will have our life packed away in suitcases, waiting to move. To a different state, country, wherever the life takes us. We will forge a new lives for ourselves and maybe get so busy and happy that we won’t really have the time to pine for good ol’ days.

I am at that juncture now. College is life has officially ended. Exams are over, marks are out. All that is left is the actual Graduation ceremony. This is it. Life as we knew it, is about to change all over again. Oops. It has already changed. Before I left, I stood by the door of what will always in my heart be home to me and had what would possibly be, a one last look be inside. It was both so peaceful and heavy at the same time. Surreal, maybe. Like in that one second, I could see my life while I was there just play out. The laughter, the tears, the fights, the drama, all of it. Then, even though it was so hard to leave I felt happy. Happy that I got so lucky with the kind of life I got to live there, the kind of people I became friends with and all the memories I made. Sure, there is so much more I could have done. Sure, I do have regrets. But then again, life is never perfect.

Anyway, you may be wondering what is next on my agenda. I know, because recently that is the only thing people want to know from me. Like, I am supposed to have it all figured out already. If only I was actually that gifted and wonderful that I had a job all lined up for me even before college was done with. These over-achievers in life, I tell you. And here I am, wandering aimlessly, mailing random people and stalking companies and writers, begging them to give me a job. I ACTUALLY STALKED A FEW JOURNALISTS AND EDITORS ON FACEBOOK 😮 Every time I hit a dead-end, there is a voice in my head that goes all cynical. So, I am part convinced that I will never get a job and I will end up being a cashier in Nature’s Basket or Reliance and I will run into my current friends who came by to shop for their servants. I told you long back that I exaggerate like a crazy person.

So, yes. I am in that painful, heart-breaking and brain-numbing job hunt phase of life. It’s hard, obviously. I was just close to accepting that rejections are inevitable and painful, that I found something else altogether which is even more painful. It’s the wait. The wait that you know will never end because the companies that you dream of working with are way too busy to bother replying to some random person and say, “Sorry, but we don’t need you.” Job hunt scenes are way more heart wrenching for someone struggling with self-esteem issues than a normal person. At least, I assume it is. Every time I don’t hear back from someone I am quick to assume that it is because I am no good. I don’t even give myself the benefit of the doubt that maybe, just maybe it is because they have no openings. I know it is just the beginning. People always hunt for months before they land a job that they are satisfied with as well. I shouldn’t take it personally and just face things head on and let life take me wherever it takes me. It is still hard. Mostly because of who I am. I wish I was breezier about life. But tough luck. For me, that is.

It is scary. Every day is scary. Every day when I make up and check my mail and I find absolutely nothing, it is scary. I am scared to my very bones. What if I don’t find anything? What if NOBODY wants to hire me? When I was still in Bombay and things would get overwhelming, I would just go and annoy everyone else. Now that I am back home with no one else around me, it is a lot harder. But now and then, I remind myself to take a deep breath and step away. Music helps a lot. God! All those studies and researches that told music is therapy? They weren’t lying. Right now, I think music is the only thing that’s keeping me going. Mellow, sad, happy, slow, soulful, heart-felt music. You know, the kind of ones that move you to tears even though they are happy ones? The deep lyrics, the gentle strumming of the guitar, the soft drum beats, the happy rhythms; nothing can make you feel as happy. Music is something that can be your constant companion. In good times and bad times. Music always speaks to you. You know, like when you are in love or you have a crush and all the songs remind you of that other person or the time you spend with them. Or when you are sad and you just can’t seem to cry and get rid of that lump in your throat? You listen to some song and there it is, all the pain rolling down.

And then, I have this. I may not be the most followed blogger out there, I may not even have anything to say that you want to hear, but this blog is my release. Here, I can really be me and not worry. Because at the end of every post, no matter how shady, crazy, angry or weird it is, I am smiling. So, I pour out my heart and soul here. It’s probably why this blog is like my love child, my dirty little secret. I don’t really tell anyone about it. Hopefully, more people will just stumble upon it and think I am funny and wonderful. Okay, this post is not all about the happy, cheerful vibe I bring around. Maybe the last few posts have been a little on the not so happy side. Well, I did tell you. Rainbows and Guns. You got to love ALL OF ME 😉

So yes, painful goodbyes and heart breaking rejections later here I am, waiting away. For life to happen. To take me somewhere. I know you are supposed to just pack your bags and set out instead of waiting for the adventure to happen to you. If you led my life you would list out a 100 reasons, no less, why that would not be possible for me. So here I am. Hoping that the “winds” will carry me away to where my heart hopes. Hoping whatever lays ahead makes me happy. Hoping that I don’t end up a cashier in Nature’s Basket.

Here it is. Goodbyes and new beginnings. Until the next goodbye. Ugh…I really do hate goodbyes. It’s like putting a bullet through my heart and then reaching out, pulling it out of me and then, reviving me. Too graphic? Well, that is just how it is. I am not a fan of it either. We just got to suck it up and wait. For the next good thing. For life to take us to wherever it intends to take us. I am sure, it is somewhere good. I am seldom ever disappointed. Life is kind.

So, make a little prayer for me (A)
And I will be here. Waiting. Hoping. Updating.

Till then,

This is me quirky and hopeful as ever

Ciao :*

 

 

 

To be gay or not to be?

Are you GAY? Tell me the truth! I swear to God, I won’t tell anyone. I mean, if it is a criminal offense and all. What if they jail you?

Gosh! Imagine living in a world, where you are answerable to the GOVERNMENT for who you have sex with! I mean, it is okay to have affairs and cheat on your spouse but God forbid you wish to be with someone who is of your same sex. When our government has made it criminal to have same-sex relations we shouldn’t be surprised when the former BCCI president N.  Srinivasan gets caught up in a controversy with his son Ashwin accusing his father of forcing him to marry and ‘have progeny to carry on the lineage’ despite being gay.

There is a tolerant attitude towards homosexuality in the West but here, in our country we don’t have such a luxury. In some nations, homosexuality is illegal whilst in others, homosexuals are now rendered rights that have been enjoyed by heterosexuals all along. For instance, in the UK, a ruling of the European Court of Human Rights in Lustig-Prean and Beckett v UK (1999) said that gays can now serve in the Armed Forces. These gains are however few and despite them, in most countries gays are treated differently not just by the society but even in front of the eyes of the law. This discrimination is the most glaring in terms of the marriage rights. The demand for a right to marry a person of the same gender has become the key political issue in the modern times. Countries like South Africa, Belgium, the Netherlands, Canada, Argentina, Portugal, Sweden, Iceland, Norway and Spain all allow gay marriage, while other countries, such as the UK, allow civil partnerships which give gay partners all the legal rights of marriage. Preventing gay marriage is simply discriminatory as it upholds an outdated and archaic concept of marriage as only a path to procreation.

The debate on homosexuality has become quite popular in recent times. There have been various debates as to whether homosexuality is natural or not. The topic of sexual orientation remains vague and unclear despite the various studies that have been conducted all over the world.

The law which criminalizes homosexual behaviour in India was drafted during the British times by Lord Macaulay in 1860 and states that “whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal, shall be punished with imprisonment”. Back in 2009, the judges in Delhi decriminalized homosexuality by suspended the draconian Section 377 of the Indian penal code and the Indian LGBT community thought there was no turning back and they only have happy days ahead. They couldn’t have been more wrong. The Indian government from taking a modern step to going back to the ancient draconian ideas, destroying the euphoria of the LGBT community. In December 2013, the Supreme Court overturned the lower court’s ruling, once again making gay sex a crime punishable by up to ten years in jail, thus jeopardizing the lives of a large population of our country. In January 2014, the court said gay people in India were just a “minuscule minority” and upheld its decision against an appeal and left the decision up to the government.

The question as to whether the law should criminalize those engaging in homosexual activities even if it is out of choice, should really not even be debated. Moral or not, natural or not, it is ultimately the choice of an individual as to who he wishes to be with. Why must the government have the right to punish to adults who have, with consent, engaged in homosexual relations? Why does the government interference have to extend all the way into the privacy of one’s bedroom?

So what now? We have to all fill some form stating our sexual preference? Are we then going to purge the world, rid it off the gays, just like the Nazis did with the Jews? Or else. are we going to join religious groups and pray the gay away because of course homosexuality is only something Satan worshipers and atheists can indulge in. The world is just filled with hypocrites, I tell you.

What is ludicrous is that the government has no qualms in punishing two people engaging in homosexual despite consent but refuses to recognize marital rape as a crime! This is where the actions of people N. Srinivasan reverberate the fact that in our country homosexuality doesn’t stand a chance.  The whole ruling is simply shocking, to put it simply. So much for the ideas of inclusiveness and progressiveness that our politicians seem to keep harping upon.

Well.

This is me.

Frowning away.

A Crazy Ride

If the fact that ‘July 15th’ was the date glaring at me accusingly, the fact that it took me a while to get my password right was enough to make me feel real guilty. I have been trying so hard to find a perfect getaway I forgot that words are in fact the best possible way to get around all the bullshit that there is. I think that the universe finally decided that it’s high to get back at me and so all the bad karma I have been collecting has been catching up with me. It’s been a crazy ride up to this moment. July was the time when a drunk friend of mine accidentally sat on my laptop, thus rendering it useless. I guess, with that I just decided that I couldn’t update anymore. I could have easily borrowed any of my roommate’s laptop but I was a little too busy doing, god knows what.

This year turn out to be completely different than I ever hoped it would be. I shifted out of my hostel to a PG with Radhika. Radhika has been my friend since my boarding school days and it’s been few crazy years with her. We became friends out of the blue and we thought it wouldn’t last beyond school days. Destiny had other plans though. We both ended up in Bombay, just like we had hoped and with that another three years of madness followed. She has been there for me through thick and thin and so I know deep inside that despite all the bullshit, I will have her by my side when I need her. She knows all dirty secrets and fears, have been a part of almost all my happy days, the bad ones and even the embarrassing moments. We fight a lot and get mad at each other to the extent that we have been through those says when we thought we would never even speak to each other. It’s been one hell of a roller coaster ride, filled with exhilarating highs and gut-clenching downs. The best thing about roller coaster rides is that when we are done with one round we always want to go for more. Staying separately for the first two years made us a lot closer, especially because we weren’t fighting all that much. Then there was also the fact that it was that phase of our lives when all we wanted was to experiment and explore new territories. We had the first of our many drinks together on a random weekday evening because we realized it was ‘now or never’. We even had our first smoke together.

Anyway, two years in a hostel with really stringent rules was more than I could take despite all the crazy memoirs I made there. Anyone who has been in a hostel would know that the best part about living in a hostel is that feeling of exhilaration you get when you break the rules. Drinking in the hostel after the “lights-out” time is always more fun that drinking out and coming back sober. In a really twisted way, it was fun rushing through the traffic on the streets of Bombay to make it back to the hotel before 7:55 pm (our curfew). However, at some point you start craving for a life where you don’t want to worry about these silly things. You also start craving for some more freedom. I mean, after all, isn’t college also a lot about having the best time of your life. So, I shifted out to her PG and since then, life as I knew it changed. Suddenly, it all seems like a blur. How did everything just change so suddenly that I hardly recognize my life anymore?

Shifting into a PG was like a burst of fresh air upon me. When I lived in the hostel, there used to be days when I would manage to get out and crash at Radhika’s place for a few days and it used to always be a blast. It was liberation. Then, it became my everyday life. The novelty soon wore off. Traditions were made such as going to Carter’s at 2 in the night and drinking boost. Traditions were broken- Drinking sessions in Sunlight somehow became a story of the past. Praniti and Madhuri, my other two roommates were people I knew from before but shifting in obviously made me a whole lot closer to them. It’s been a crazy ride with them too. The have been tiffs and drama but there have been some really good times which I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. The best part about moving here was the fact that I made a whole bunch of friends. Some of Radhika’s classmates are our neighbors and you know how it is with neighbors- you either love them or hate them, you chill with them or avoid them. Ron, Abhishek and Unmeelan are Radhika’s and Praniti’s classmates and Kelvin is their junior which is why they being neighbors had some effect on us. They kept coming over for some reason or the other, mostly to chill with us and slowly, they came to be an integral part of our lives. Birthday? We celebrated it with them. Holiday? We chilled with them. We still do so. They introduced us to some good music and were part of some really chill times. Memories are being made. It has been more than I could have ever asked for.

In a frenzy of partying and drinking and quite a lot of embarrassing drunk escapades later, the first semester of my last year drew to an end. The study leave pretty much flew by thanks to the almost constant inebriated state I decided to be in. I have Abhishek with his constant request to have shots with him to thank for this. Then, there is Madhuri who got me a shot every time she saw me cramping more information in than what my bran could handle. Surprisingly, I have done well enough in my exams. Maybe, this should be a ritual.

Anyway, it is crazy how these people, who are not even from my college have not just come to be so important to me but have also become the reason why my Third Year I’ll be so memorable. Of course, it is scary for me that I feel so much more about them than they do for me. Maybe, when the year ends and we pack our bags no one will give so much as a backward glance. I have realized though that these matters we shall worry about later. Now, let me just enjoy the ride!

This is me.

Quirky and excited as ever.

Ciao.

Your favourite first….?

I have always been indecisive. In a lot of ways, that explains who I am as a person. I will be the girl, sitting huddled over a pros and cons list to decide whether to have Chinese for lunch or a simple Frankie! Because even that can be extremely life-changing! Well, if you think about it, you never know. I mean, Ted did meet Robin in a crowded bar, Hrithik did mean Suzanne at a traffic signal and Phoebe did meet Mike on a blind date. Sure, these are not examples of the perfect relationships on earth but then again, perfect is over-rated. So, with all amounts of optimism at heart, I pick on one with hopes that I will meet Mr. Perfect as I buy my Chicken Noodles from the Chinese counter of the college canteen. I am still waiting for the results, if you know what I mean.

I am going through what can be perceived as a rough patch. It’s just been a rough couple of days, more like a month actually. I can’t seem to pin-point it at one thing. It’s just a lack of satisfaction with myself more than anything, I guess. I constantly feel like I am not enough. I may have questioned my existence a couple of times within this time period. My dark twisted self has clearly overtaken my thoughts. My friends don’t think I have a dark, twisted side. They believe I am all sunshine, butterflies and happiness all round the clock. Clearly, I am not understood so well. The misunderstanding can also be because I save my cynical side for when someone gets to know me well enough. Because, by then, you would know I am a walking contradiction. I am a girl who I am sure was meant to be a guy. I am fascinated by the idea of commitment but in actuality, it scares the bejesus out of me. So I am happy and sunshine but dark and twisted. Rainbows and Guns, my friend.

Anyway, I just recently went on Facebook. Not that it’s such a big deal to go on FB and fact is, there is hardly anything cool about it. What struck my attention was this small section of my profile where FB was asking what my “Favourite Firsts’ were as part of editing my profile. It felt more like FB was being some sort of creepy “I want to know you more” dude.

I didn’t really get the whole point of it. I mean, if it’s your first and what if you have done it only once, how will you know that’s the favourite out of all the times you might do it. Like, how do you answer a question like “Your favourite first kiss?” It would be so much meaner if the person hasn’t never kissed yet. I guess that’s just the cynical me talking.

I think more than the first part of it, you focus on the favourite part of it. The truth is, no matter how much we deny it, we all have our favourite. There is always a favourite child, favourite parent, favourite book, movie, vacation spot, so on and so forth. It’s probably why it is one of the most commonly asked questions. How else do you get to know and understand a person, other than through their likes and dislikes? Isn’t it how love stories and friendships begin?

Favourite movie: Sound of Music
Favourite song: Right now, All of Me by John Legend
Favourite book: Love in the time of Cholera and To Kill a Mockingbird
Favourite colour: Blue
My favourite moment in life: When I got in to Xavier’s, Mumbai
My favourite part of right now: Coming home to my friends (I recently shifted into a PG and I am still reveling in the new life)

What are your favourites? Any match to mine? Maybe we are 100% compatible 😉 Maybe we should keep scores. Yeah. I am definitely losing my mind.

This is me. Quirky as ever.
Krupa!

Well, until next time…
Adios to you